Quotes of the Week

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Re: Quotes of the Week

Post by kipling » Tue Aug 03, 2010 7:57 am

I don't know if these are funny to other people... From last night's Hero High game:

BEN (OOC): I've already sent the school a letter detailing which school rules contradict other school rules.

GIDEON LEE: We can go someplace better to buy you clothes than Wal-Mart, you know.
ASH: Clothes are clothes.
ROSA'S PLAYER (OOC): Sacrilege!

(Ben's friend Rosa--a martial artist--has beaten up three female members of the Sewer Kings gang in the mall bathroom in self defense and for information. A little later, Ben runs across a member while looking in the sewer. After he tries to recruit Ben:)
GANGMEMBER: Oh, yeah, Rodriguez makes us learn this sewer stuff, like where the stations are. I'm going across the river to Claremont Academy right now to deal with some chica who beat up three of our girls in a mall bathroom.
BEN: Good luck with that.

CHESS CLUB: You can't win! I came like this close to being a grandmaster at chess. Well, a master. I'm really good, anyway.

BEN (to Paige, who has been held hostage): Do you want me to remove the blindfold?
PAIGE: Will I still be scared?
BEN: Probably.
PAIGE: Then you can leave it on until the fight's over.

HEADMASTER SUMMERS: Since you seem to be determined to act, you will have supervision.
ROSA (whose first language is Spanish): We will be able to see through walls?

(BEN'S MOTHER, a Sidhe, is visiting.)
BEN'S MOTHER: Let's see, what's been happening at home. Merlin almost got out of his tree.
BEN: I told these people you never know who's in a tree, but they looked at me like I was odd.
BEN'S MOTHER: They're human; what do you expect?

(On hearing who Ben's roommate is.)
BEN'S MOTHER: I want you to kill him.
BEN: I can't, Mother; it's against the rules, and I agreed to abide by the school's rules.
BEN'S MOTHER: There's a rule about that?
BEN: I know, it's almost like it's happened before. Why do you want to kill him?
BEN'S MOTHER: His great great great great great great great great-- we haven't got all day; I'll just say "ancestor"--some Scottish fellow named Rhymer--he offended me. And you will kill him, because you love your mother.
BEN: Do I have to do it now?
BEN'S MOTHER: Yes, immediately. They're so short-lived. You have to kill him in the next fifty, sixty years. Before he dies of natural causes.

BEN'S MOTHER (reconsidering): Mind-wipe is okay, too. Maybe maiming and mind-wipe.

And, not a quotation but a situation: the mentalist has a 160 foot cone of confusion, which he let off underground. According to Steve Kenson, this cone is three-dimensional, so after the fight, they went aboveground and dealt with the car accidents from drivers who had been in the area of effect. The guy with ranks in Medicine made sure that the paragon didn't take people out of cars unless necessary (and not without unfastening their seatbelts, a previous mistake on the part of the player).
Last edited by kipling on Wed Aug 04, 2010 6:32 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Quotes of the Week

Post by Xarathos » Tue Aug 03, 2010 9:36 am

kipling wrote:I don't know if these are funny to other people...
Yes. Yes, they are. ^^

Let's see. . . from last weeks kickoff to our Third Edition game, which featured a weapon master/Catholic priest named Father Anderson (yes, he's also a regenerator. . . I let him get away with it because it's actually the player's name), a psionic librarian named Lydia with religious/mystic overtones, and a Battlesuit called Paladin/Andrew Carmichael - my character, added mainly to balance things out just slightly while giving a link between the other two characters for story purposes, and being the rich stiff who owns the headquarters. I was also GMing the session, which was a bit of a first for me. Technically, I suppose that makes Carmichael an NPC, but it worked out alright.

The highlights:

Anderson (After meeting Lydia the Librarian in the middle of the annual "Friends of the Library" Gala, during which she was not, technically, on duty): "I'd like to check out a book."

Anderson (To random rich guests of said Gala): "Would you be interested in making a small, tax deductible donation to the 5th Street Parish, my child?"

Anderson (After suffering from a Daze/Confusion affliction combined with an obscure effect in the middle of a fight, suddenly believing himself to be back in his church): "Now, sir, there's no need to be rude, the exit is right over there . . . or is it there? . . . um, sir? Sir?" (Turning in all directions while the villain stands in front of him) "Which one of you will be leaving?"

Paladin (Sir Andrew Carmichael): "Welcome, I'm so glad you could come. Hope you like the mansion. You're just in time for dinner."
Lydia: "Dinner?"
Paladin: "This is Metropolis. There's ALWAYS time for dinner."
Lydia: "Is there time for coffee?"
Anderson: "And you do have wine, right? By the grace of God."

Lydia: "My library! I'm out of a job! Is my book safe?"
Paladin: "I arranged to have it transfered here; it's safe in the vault."
Lydia: "I must see it! Is it in a properly controlled environment?"
Paladin: "Practically this entire house is a controlled environment."
Lydia: "Has it only been handled by trained experts in rare documents?"
Paladin: "You just described most of my household staff."
Lydia: "What, the maids? That level of training requires a PhD!"
Paladin: "You'd be amazed what you can get someone with a PhD to wear in this economy."

GM (OOC): "You DO know that just adding "By the grace of God" to the end of a sentence and stringing random words together doesn't make you sound more like a priest, right?"

The whole party was cracking up at all of these. . . I'd say it was a pretty good session.

There was also something of a running gag going on where Lydia wanted iced coffee, and the priest was constantly asking for wine and donations . . . and I missed a fun exchange in which Lydia shot down Andrew on a misunderstanding, informing him that she wouldn't be going on patrol with him because . . .

Lydia: "I have to teach a sex ed class."
Andrew: "I see."
Lydia: "Also, I'm a nun."

(We're reasonably sure that being a nun isn't part of her backstory, which just made the whole thing worse).

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Re: Quotes of the Week

Post by legacyicon » Fri Aug 13, 2010 9:07 pm

During a Buffy the Vampire game I ran a couple years back two quotes.

One PC was playing a gay warlock. New to his powers and new to the world of the supernatural, and a social outcast in his high school (minus the other PCs of course). The big bad of season 1 was a magic wielding vamp. Evil in many ways, the big bad also fell in 'love' with this PC. As much as something with a soul can. This was kept secret for a long time. When finally revealed.

PC: Yes, yes, I bumped uglies with a vamp! Who hasn't?

Only one of the party members raise their hands.

PC: Jesus, we're a group of whores.

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Re: Quotes of the Week

Post by legacyicon » Fri Aug 13, 2010 9:11 pm

Oh yeah second quote from same game.

The Slayer's watcher was named Dorian Gray. No one in the group seemed to catch it. When it was revealed that he did indeed have a portrait of himself which aged and became distorted when he committed 'sins', one of the PCs said "No one else same this coming? The education system in this country has gone straight to hell."

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Re: Quotes of the Week

Post by FuzzyBoots » Fri Aug 13, 2010 9:21 pm

Xarathos wrote:Lydia: "What, the maids? That level of training requires a PhD!"
Paladin: "You'd be amazed what you can get someone with a PhD to wear in this economy."
You know, that's scarily true. There's an amazing amount of exotic dancers with advanced degrees because they found they could make more money stripping than researching economic theory. Of course, economic theory isn't as likely to lead to pole injuries...

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Re: Quotes of the Week

Post by Lord Fell » Thu Nov 11, 2010 1:57 pm

My new character from The Protectorate is shaping up to be very quotable.

This from the first page:
Moments later, Titanothere enters the Hub and joins his fellows. The moment he comes to a halt, his steward produces a chamois cloth, and begins vigorously scrubbing at his armour. In armour, Titanothere stands nearly 7' tall. The armour is primarily brushed grey titanium, with polished chrome highlights.

"Gentlemen... Do we have tactical reports yet?" He glances at all of the monitors, taking in the information.

Then he glances down. "A little more elbow grease my dear... nothing worse than a spotty cod-piece."

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Re: Quotes of the Week

Post by RedBstrd » Fri Nov 12, 2010 2:02 pm

Some of my games have some pretty awesome dialog:

Hong Kong Action

The characters follow up on a lead about one of the goons involved in the cop-gangster chase and gunfight that claimed the life of a woman they all loved in different ways. After killing everyone in his establishment, the characters corner a gangster named Eddie Deng...
  • Eddie "The Cockroach" Deng: "Hey, no reason to get unreasonable. Who was he? Give me a name and we can do business." The characters tell him and he fills them in that the man started working for Boss Mo.

    Inspector Li: "Reasonable? You shot me in the chest, Cockroach. Reasonable would be returning the favor. Tell us about Mo, where can we find him? Do not lie."

    Eddie "The Cockroach" Deng: "You don't know who Boss Mo is?!?! He's the crime boss of crime bosses in Hong Kong. You couldn't have picked a worse enemy. He has his finger in every pie from counterfeit money to the Golden Triangle. Who the hell do you people think you are? Going up against Boss Mo is suicide. Plain, simple, stupid suicide."

    Eddie "Angel of Death" Murtaugh: "We are vengance."

    Inspector Li: "I meant what I said about returning the favor, cockroach." Then, he fired, shooting Deng in the kneecap.
One of the characters, Walter, gets arrested under suspicion of involvement in a shootout (that the rest of the team actually did). Inspector Li, one of those doing the shooting, has to interrogate Walter...
  • Inspector Li: "Well...Walter. You're a lucky man. We don't have enough on you to keep you here. However, the Triads won't care about anything like that. And if we can't bring you in, then we can't protect you. If you are working with other people. They probably don't care enough about you to try and protect you either. Why bother to start a fight with some Triads as a diversion? There are a lot of other things you could have done that would have been less risky. I think you just got drunk and got into a bar fight. Not so bad. Like I said, the Triads will want revenge. And if you're alone, as I think, then your best bet is to get the hell out of Hong Kong. Got it, Walter?"

    Walter Lang: "I'm sorry, I kind of zoned out there while you were talking. The booze, you know? Did I miss anything important? Want to go over it again? Working with other people? Oh, the bar fight? Yeah, someone helped. The bartender held my drink for me behind the bar. Good chap, he is. Can't say I approve of how he runs his bar, though. Just between you and me, there's a bit of crime going on in the old place, you know?"
Barbara, a new player character, tries to hire a hitman to tell her about who was behind the attack which killed the woman she loved. The hitman, Ken Tsang, is by coincidence a close friend of one of the other player characters...
  • Ken Tsang: "Normally, people don't ask contract killers to identify the perpetrators of criminal acts so that they can kill them themselves. That's very unusual in fact. All the same, I already know who murdered Carrie Luo... no, it wasn't me. Miss, perhaps you should let this one go. The man who you want to see dead is a crime boss. A big one. He is not someone that can be confronted, forced on his knees, and shot in the back of the head. Vengeance may not be what lays at the end of your efforts."

    Barbara "Barbwire" Wei: "Listen Mister Lee [He is using a fake name], if that is your name. I have to know the name. At all cost. Don't worry about me, my life is already wrecked. You know, where I should be right now? Right now I should prepare for a Triple Threat match for the Women title against Kimoko and the Viper. Instead I came here, burning every bridge behind me. I ...want...that...name! Understood? So please help me. I have to do this."

    Ken Tsang: "I need you to listen very carefully to what I am saying. This doesn't work that way. You don't get a name yet. You need to let me know, without hesitation that you are willing to carry this thing through to the very end. That you would kill and die in pursuit of your revenge. If you can do that, then you get the name. If not, well..." Tsang didn't reach for either of the guns inside of his jacket, but the matter-of-fact threat was clear. "Alright, one last drink for courage and then you're going to sober up so we can discuss how you're going to help kill... Boss Mo."

    "The others who want him dead for what he did are losing someone who compromised his identity and thus is no use to them. They'll need one more just to be sure. He was a drunkard, so you'd best clean up. I can't guarantee that you'll live through the night. If they don't trust you, they'll shoot you where you stand and be done with it. Oh, and don't even think of puking in my car."
Later, Tsang meets up with his friend Ri Gou, another one of the player characters...
  • Ken Tsang: "Brother. I made an interesting acquaintance today. This is Miss Wei. You wouldn't believe who she wants to kill."
A group of thugs kidnap one of the player characters, using ether to knock her out. While outside of her apartment, they converse.
  • Thug 1: "That's it, right there."

    Thug 2: "Alright, I'll pull over here. You check her. Make sure she's still out cold."

    Thug 1: "What do you mean, 'check her'? Just poke her in the side or ask her jokes to see if she laughs? How do you check her? She's asleep."

    Thug 2: "Hit her or something. Don't make it like I'm dumb. We can't go up there and find her gone when we come back."

    Thug 1: "Hit her? I thought you said 'check her.' Hitting her isn't 'checking her;' it's what we call 'waking her.'"

    Thug 2: "You know what? Forget it. You're right. She's asleep. Ten minutes tops, though. We're in. We're out. If we don't find anything that interests the boss, then we take her in for questioning."
We all know how that one ends...

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Re: Quotes of the Week

Post by cobalt-blue » Sun Jan 30, 2011 12:47 am

From the upcoming sequel to Behind the Masks.

Razorwing and Quantum are discussing Quantum's effectiveness in dealing with the recent vampire uprising in Atlanta.

"I'm glad you agree," he told me. "Until Homeguard starts graduating new students, Atlanta needs us. If you hadn't been here when Todeshaus attacked, the casualty rate would have been much higher."

I just smiled at him and considered replying with a simply "I know". That's what Commander Greenbough would have done. But as I get older, the more I realize that I'm not Trey Greenbough. I owe a great deal of my experience, knowledge, and skill as a transhuman to him. He will always be a friend and a mentor, but at the same time, I have to be who I am, and I know he would understand that. Instead I simply said, "We all pitched in on that fight, Evan."

"Yeah, but you lighting up Midtown made the difference," he said.

I smiled at him and asked in mock anger, "You accusing me of being a flamer?"

He grinned back getting the joke and said, "Nah. You're more of a twink."

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Re: Quotes of the Week

Post by nickowow » Sat Feb 05, 2011 8:12 pm

Oh goly gosh. While I have played MnM before, it was too brief to get any real funny quotes out of it. However, before that was DnD. Or, at least, my version of it. Our group was...quirky, to say the least.

I was the GM, but I also played a half-angel cleric. Neutral Good.
Dylan was a half-demon monk...who was somehow Lawful Good.
Veronica was a druid, and basically the fussy grandmother of the group. Neutral Good.
Emma was the Half-Gold Dragon Warrior/crazy person. Chaotic Neutral.

(Emma was infected with corruption from an attack by wolves a few days ago. The group is going into a dwarvish settlement that was attacked by said evil wolves. Keep in mind, Emma is not wounded when she arrives.)

Dwarf Guard: Ma'am, please calm down. You're not, uh, bleeding-
Emma: Can't you see that I'm wounded?! HELP ME!
Dwarf Guard: Ok, lady, maybe you should take a few steps back before we-
Emma (OOC): I breathe fire on the guards.
Me: Um, but they didn't-
Emma (OOC): I. Breathe fire. On the guards.

She then manages to roast about 20 guards with one breathe. Only one managed a reflex save. And then Dylan killed the survivor.
Me: ...?! Dylan! You're Lawful Good! What are you doing?
Dylan (OOC): Uh...I'm being merciful.
Me: But you killed him!
Dylan (OOC): He was burned, and in pain.
Me: But I could have...Oh nevermind. Dammit.

Later on, after narrowly avoiding being attacked by the dwarven priests, we go on our merry way and track down some other corrupted creatures. And then, the group gets ambushed by a spider. Thing.

Me: (Rolls for the spider's attack. It's a critical.) Ok, well Dylan, I have good news, and bad news.
Dylan (OOC): Oh crap. What's the good news?
Me: Uh, well, the good news is, you're immune to poison.
Dylan (OOC): The bad news?
Me: It bit your crotch. And it's hanging onto it. You nearly pass out from pain.

Later on, as our druid attempts to heal him (and pulls down his trousers): "Oh please, like I haven't seen one of THESE before!"

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Re: Quotes of the Week

Post by Rabbitman » Tue Feb 08, 2011 12:48 am

In my current campaign I started seperate prologue events with each of the heroes that resulted in them being brought together for the first major adventure, Luminis is a psychic based heroine with the secret identity of a particularly attractive and successful actress, and when her co-star is attacked during a promotional interview she is kept at a safe distance with the director and four security guards.

Not wanting to sit back and watch, the player decides she'll use a combination of Emotion Control and her high Bluff skills to get enough space to change into her hero guise:

GM: The guards usher you and the director under a table and form a circle around you as they call for a car to escort you to safety.
Luminis: Can I convince them to go and get me some pastries instead?
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Gerbil ball of doom!

Post by cobalt-blue » Sun Feb 05, 2012 10:50 am

I'm currently running Cadre Aleph, now called the Harbingers through a boosted and modified "Time of Vengeance" module. While facing off with Dam (Blood) the heroes determined that they could hurt her very little and only Silver Claw's low powered lightning blasts were really effective against her. So Spectrum (Formerly Earendil) created a force bubble around her and Protea filled it with superheated hydrogen, and the Spectrum started it spinning as fast as he could to generate a lightning storm inside it. As the ball began to have its desired effect, Webs came out of his Dam induced incapacitation looked up at the spinning object and yelled, "It's the giant spinning gerbil ball of doom!"

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Re: Quotes of the Week

Post by flynnarrel » Tue Feb 28, 2012 10:07 am

From a swashbuckling game the other night.

GM: Well, they didn't expect you to have cannons firing from the river.

Me: Yes! Cuz no one expects [dramatic pause]... the Cannons in-position.

{Spanish Inquisition}

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Re: Quotes of the Week

Post by kipling » Tue Feb 28, 2012 11:16 am

I'm actually running ICONS now, a Hope Preparatory School campaign (so you could do the equivalent in M&M). (I wrote titles you can't find for sale). Anyway:

Orientation had a couple, but I can't remember them.

From The Substitute:

Glimm (from upside down in the air): Okay, the giant slugs have mutant abilities.
Sari: You didn't get that from the fact that they're growing before our eyes?
Glimm: No, I thought that was normal Earth behaviour.

From Museum Mayhem:

Moonmaiden: Now, here's my plan--
(Gets knocked unconscious by a thug)
Sari (OOC): At least one of the henchmen is genre-aware.

From the Halloween Ball adventure:

Glimm: That's my plan. I don't see her, she doesn't have a chance to break it off, then we're still dating.

Gary, son of Poseidon: So I thought I was this only child and then I come here and there's this Percy guy who just graduated and Lorn this year. Dad was like the man-slut of the seven seas.

Rumspringa, an angel on, well, rumspringa, to son of Lucifer named Damien (but who goes by Paul, because all the children of Lucifer are named Damien): You want to dance? I'm wearing a tight sweater.

From The Copying Problem:

Dr. Bailey: Can I put on some pants before we go?
Hari: Your Earthican modesty is unfathomable. It must be because you don't have ESP.
Dr. Bailey: Actually, there's something in my pockets--
Hari: Pockets! Pockets are wonderful!

Rumspringa: I'll give you a hint: No member of the RIAA has ever gotten into heaven.

Hari to Sari: Have you ever considered using the flat of the blade when you hit someone?
(And the baffled hurt look that Sari conveys cannot be put into words.)

Ambassador Grivbazz: Unfortunately, the energy it used to make duplicates came from stars in another dimension, and the inhabitants weren't happy that we were making their stars wink out. They treatened war, and we agreed to destroy the duplicators. This is the last one.
Glimm: And Lorn turned it on.

Lorilei: No, identical twins have the same fingerprints.
Sari: No, they don't.
Elizabeth: We do.
Sari: And your mother had a duplicating machine that she didn't know how to operate correctly.

From last night's game:

HARI: I use my power to create light to lure the sea monster to shore.
LORN: I can talk to fish. I'll just ask it.
HARI (OOC): I forgot he was here.

GLIMM: Paul, you must have satanic powers! Use them!
PAUL, SON OF SATAN: Hellfire--by the way, every time I use them I get more like my dad.
RUMSPRINGA: Ixnay on the owerspay, then. Just hang tight.

PAUL, SON OF SATAN: I think I can get everyone to Hell, where we wait while Rumspringa uses her angelic abilities to convince Heaven to pull them all out.
GLIMM: Why don't we make that Plan B?
RUMSPRINGA: Plan Omicron, sweetie. Actually, let's make it Plan Omega.

RUMSPRINGA: Actually, the school has a number of students without souls.
HARI: Business majors.

SARI: Duplicate went mad. Her mother dying, discovering she was a soulless copy, all of it was too much.
RUMSPRINGA: How do you know you got the soulless duplicate? People with souls go mad more often than people without. (Beat) I'm just saying--

AMBASSADOR GRIVBAZZ: I'll just put the duplicator in the trunk of our superpowered limo.
HARI: Yeah, nothing ever happens to a superpowered device when it's locked in the trunk.

Links to writeups of the six or so sessions are here: http://doc-lemming.dreamwidth.org/38864.html
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Re: Quotes of the Week

Post by cobalt-blue » Sun Mar 04, 2012 2:43 am

In the campaign where we the players have discovered that we are all siblings created in a laboratory are discussing our options in a sticky situation with the lover/husband of our creator. All of the characters are just a few days short of eighteen and are deep in the discussion when we decide to revisit why we were created. Pinnacle, my charcter turns to Major Scott and asks, "Twenty years ago when you and Doctor Cranston were lying awake in bed after doing what ever it is you do, and started talking about this project what were your hopes and dreams and goals for us?"

The dark eyed man looked a bit startled and then gave us the "official" answer, "We wanted to create the best and brightest examples of all that is good about the United Allied States to stand between the Nazi threat and freedom. Later when things turned to more kinky subjects we feared and rightly so that we'd end up with Isaac." Isaac of course is the horn-dog of the team who managed to neutralize a Nazi spy by "banging" her in a near by alley while we talked with her team leader.

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Re: Quotes of the Week

Post by Dooger » Sun Mar 04, 2012 7:47 pm

Was in my first M&M game as a teleport named Figment, with a Powerhouse, Shadowmaster, Mystic Healer Martial Artist, and Techno Psychic. Our teamwork was quite horrific, but we came out on top with our first supervillain encounter. The villain lay at our feet. I stress how my character was furious at our outcome.

Techno: "Wait, why are you upset? We won didn't we?"

Me: "I was blinded by his wife in the first seconds of confrontation, Monk (Martial Artist) is a mile off dying, we killed 4 people, made our presence known to our enemy, and I can't find my staff!"

Shadowmaster: "Well, you should have been ready."

Me: "I was waiting for the signal and I even had flash goggles."

Powerhouse: "It could be worse."

GM: "Perception roll, difficulty 20." (We all fail the check, we have terrible perception)

GM: "You all notice the villain is gone."

5 minutes to search the area, no villain found.

Techno: "Wait, didn't some of us use our real names earlier?"

_______________________Individual quotes____________________________

Powerhouse: "I just want him a little bit unconscious."

Figment: "Oh thank goodness, she fainted. That was the best scenario."


In a different game of Exaulted

A rogue without spirit-sight is getting his life drained by spirits without knowing it. A medic (myself) makes some critical rolls that save his character...

Me: "What were you thinking?"

Him: "What?"

Me: "I just saved your life!"

Him: "I didn't see anything."

Does the exact same thing. Less significant rolls ensue.


A sum of most our games so far with a particular player.

GM: "You realize bad things happen when you sit in the chair."

Player: "I sit in the chair."

Other Players: "You don't consult or warn us first?"

Player: "I'd end up sitting in it anyway, this just saves time."

GM: "He's right."

Other Players: *Reluctant nods*