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Sand Fox's Desert (Birds of Passage Epilogue; New Story)

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Re: Sand Fox's Desert (All For One: Nighttime Checkmate)

Postby Dreaming Psion » Wed Apr 09, 2008 1:18 pm

You've got a very thrilling story going out here. I like how you're weaving together all the separate threads of the various characters. I noticed you haven’t been using Knockback when characters have gotten stunned or greater. Also, when Zorro was disabled and trying to get away from the ninjas, he should have only been able to move 15 feet per round. This is because while sneaking you can only move at half speed (unless he takes a -5 on stealth, although you might have taken this into consideration) and he is disabled.

On your builds, the only thing I see is that Fezzik seems a bit weak compared to your other builds; I doubt he would be of much use to Inigo with such a PL difference. You might consider adding a PL or two to the giant.

Lasty, I thought you could use a thread index, if you would like. You can copy any of the strings by quoting the thread post and plug in the correct name and post number to add more.

Builds
Original yet Inspired
(These builds, while original, were inspired by other works.)
The Three Musketeers
Athos
Aramis
D’artangnan
Milady de Winter
Porthos

The Princess Bride
Fezzik
Inigo Montoya

Peter Pan
Captain James Hook

Others
Zorro


-Stories-
All For One
Into: I'm new in Town,
Fight: The Young Hero!
Interlude: At the Bonacieux Inn
Interlude: Plans
Fight: The Masks we Wear
Interlude: Nighttime Checkmate, Part 1
Fight: Nighttime Checkmate, Part 2
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Re: Sand Fox's Desert (All For One: Nighttime Checkmate)

Postby Sand Fox » Wed Apr 09, 2008 1:57 pm

Dreaming Psion wrote:You've got a very thrilling story going out here. I like how you're weaving together all the separate threads of the various characters. I noticed you haven’t been using Knockback when characters have gotten stunned or greater. Also, when Zorro was disabled and trying to get away from the ninjas, he should have only been able to move 15 feet per round. This is because while sneaking you can only move at half speed (unless he takes a -5 on stealth, although you might have taken this into consideration) and he is disabled.

On your builds, the only thing I see is that Fezzik seems a bit weak compared to your other builds; I doubt he would be of much use to Inigo with such a PL difference. You might consider adding a PL or two to the giant.

Lasty, I thought you could use a thread index, if you would like. You can copy any of the strings by quoting the thread post and plug in the correct name and post number to add more.

Builds
Original yet Inspired
(These builds, while original, were inspired by other works.)
The Three Musketeers
Athos
Aramis
D’artangnan
Milady de Winter
Porthos

The Princess Bride
Fezzik
Inigo Montoya

Peter Pan
Captain James Hook

Others
Zorro


-Stories-
All For One
Into: I'm new in Town,
Fight: The Young Hero!
Interlude: At the Bonacieux Inn
Interlude: Plans
Fight: The Masks we Wear
Interlude: Nighttime Checkmate, Part 1
Fight: Nighttime Checkmate, Part 2


Thank you! I'm a far cry from competent with computers, so this is so helpful. As for your comments, I'll answer them.
First, I was taking the -5 into context when calculating Zorro's Stealth, though I might have forgotten once. And as for Knockback, I forgot about it. So, I'll have to take that into consideration.
And I think Fezzik is pretty good, because he never was shown to be all that great. Mostly, I think he was just big. But then again, big can count for a lot.
Thank you, once again! In fact, if you have a request, post it. If I recognize it, I'll make the build.

Sincerely, Sand Fox
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Postby Thorpacolypse » Wed Apr 09, 2008 9:08 pm

Read the latest on my lunch as I had hoped. Very nice. I liked the little call out scene at the end setting up a showdown. I'm looking forward to it.
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Postby Sand Fox » Sun Apr 13, 2008 2:16 pm

All for One
-Interlude-
The Coming Storm

Six of the Cardinal’s red clad guards were down on the floor, bleeding. In the center of them, a Spaniard stood tall, his magnificent blade wet with blood. The Spaniard turned and looked at the Cardinal Richelieu, who had been sitting and watching the fight. Next to him, Lady de Winter sat. The Cardinal started clapping his hands together. “Wonderfully done, Inigo! I’m impressed, and that’s not something that happens daily.”
Inigo Montoya bowed his head. “Thank you, sir.”
“Perfect,” Milady said with a smile, “So now, you’re convinced that he’s right for the job, Richelieu?”
“Absolutely,” the Cardinal said, nodding his head, “I don’t think there’s a musketeer that could do half as well.”
“Well then, let’s explain the situation to you, Inigo,” Milady insisted. “Now, first off-”
The woman stopped in mid-sentence. Yu-Jin dropped from the ceiling, keeling down. “Mistress.”
“Ah, Yu-Jin,” de Winter cried, moving over to him, “Perfect timing. Hand over the paper, I need it.”
The servant remained silent.
“Oh no,” the lady sighed. “Don’t tell me you didn’t get it?”
Again, silence.
“And you have the gall to craw back to me!?” Milady slapped her manservant across the face, storming away. “You idiot! That’s twice you’ve failed me!”
Richelieu rounded over to de Winter. “I thought I could count on you, Milady. The contents of that paper are invaluable to my plans; and your miserable servant just lost it to a single man!”
“Wrong.” Yu-Jin rose from his knees, standing tall. “Boy was not thief, like we thought. Thief was working with him. And my men didn’t fight against one,” he glared at the Cardinal, “Thief, D’artangnan, and a musketeer all joined together.”
“I see,” Milady hissed acidly, “You, your men, and the assassins I hired are defeated by a over glorified bodyguard, a thief dumb enough to leave a calling card and a boy, you return empty-handed, and that’s a good thing?”
“Ladyship, I not come empty-handed” Yu-Jin explained.
“Really?”
“I’ve taken brother of Constance woman and told them all to go to Sea Skull Keep with paper, and not bring anyone else” the manservant continued, “When they come, I take Constance and kill everyone. All problems solved.”
“No, our problems are far from over!” Cardinal Richelieu roared. “Do you know much you’re risking on this plan of yours?”
“Richelieu,” Lady de Winter interjected, “Enough. This is the best we can do.”
“How can you put faith in him,” the Cardinal demanded, “After this blunder?”
“I’m not,” Milady said. She looked over at Inigo, who had been sitting out of the conversation. “It looks like we have a job for you ahead of schedule.”

Meanwhile…
“So that’s the situation, you two,” Athos concluded, looking at his comrades. Porthos was scratching his chin while Aramis simply looked down at the floor.
Everyone was in the Bonacieux Inn’s kitchen. D’artangnan was sitting next to Athos, who had been allowed to stay the night and heal. In the morning, the musketeer left and came back with two others.
Constance came in, looking drained and weary, a tray of drinks in hand. After everyone took a refreshment, she too sat. “Monsieur Athos,” she said weakly, “What are we going to do?”
“I’ll tell ya’ what we’re going to do, little Missy,” Porthos answered automatically, “We’re going to raid Sea Skull Keep, take your brother back, and then celebrate with a few drinks. Yeay or nay?”
“Nay,” Aramis sighed. Everyone looked at him. “We need to be careful. If we don’t do as they say, Jean could be killed. We have to comply for now.”
“And how can we do that, Aramis?” Porthos shot back. “We don’t even know who this thief in black is, or what they mean by ‘paper that was stolen.’ Besides, it’s probably a trap.”
“Uh,” D’artangnan interrupted, pulling something out from his pocket, “I think this is what they want.”
“What is it?” Athos asked, taking the paper and looking it over. It read a date and place. “And how did you get it?”
The boy explained the event atop the roof.
“So this Zorro,” Athos asked no one in particular, “Is he a friend or foe?”
Porthos spoke up. “I don’t have a clue, but then again, I don’t care. We need to save that kid!”
“Here, here” Aramis piped in. “A musketeer’s duty is to protect the king, but we’re men of honor too!”
Athos raised his hand to signal for silence. “Even if what you two say may be true, we still need a plan. And this is all I know: We can’t call in reinforcements, we can’t all go, we don’t know were this Zorro is, and it’s obviously a trap. What’s more, Sea Skull keep is a pirate’s loft, so things could get dangerous.”
After some thinking, Porthos spook. “Why don’t I dress as Zorro and go with you, the boy and Ms. Bonacieux to the keep. Then, Aramis can follow behind; he is the sneakiest of us. What do ya’ think, Athos?”
Athos scratched his chin. “That could work…”
Aramis cleared his throat. “I might have a better idea. One second.” He got up and left the room, grabbing a towel as he did so. A few seconds later, Aramis returned. However, his chest looked bulged, like a woman’s.
“BWAHAHAHA!” Porthos doubled over, laughing his head off. “Are you saying you wana’ cross-dress? I never knew you were into that kinda’ thing.” He stopped when he noted that the tip of Aramis’s sword was right between his eyes.
“Shut it, Porthos,” Aramis commanded. “I’m just doing what is necessary to keep everyone safe.” He turned to D’artangnan. “You wouldn’t want to put Ms. Constance in danger, would you?”
“Absolutely not!” D’artangnan near shouted, jumping up.
Athos sighed. Weak willed fool.
“Besides,” Aramis went on, looking at Constance, “You said you’re a maid for the Queen, right?” The young woman nodded. “So you can ask her about that paper. I’ve got a feeling that it has something to do with palace life.”
“Yes, Monsieur,” Constance said, stowing the paper in her pocket.
“So, everyone’s in agreement?” Athos asked. All present nodded. “Very well. After the disguises are complete, we leave immediately!”

Later...
Yu-Jin, Inigo Montoya, and a giant of a man were in the center of Sea Skull Keep, surrounded on all sides by pirates. Across from them stood a man with a magnificent, plumbed hat, exquisite red suit and a hook in place of a right hand. “So,” the man said, fingering his hook, “For what reason should I not run you scallywags through?”
“We’re here with a proposition,” Yu-Jin said, smiling. He threw a bag to the Captain’s feet; gold coins scattered everywhere.
“Ah,” James Hook smiled. “I’m listening.”


Last edited by Sand Fox on Tue Sep 02, 2008 11:17 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby MM » Mon Apr 14, 2008 12:21 pm

I'm sorry, I have to start this with... I so totally called that! Aramis finally NOT cross-dressing and Porthos in black. This fight is going to rock.

And Captain Hook, Inigo Montoya, Yu-Jin, and Fezzik vs. Aramis, Athos, Porthos and D'artagnan. I think the odds are slightly in the villains favor... heck, they have more points per person anyway, and there is nothing stopping them from getting a handful of pirates to help. I shall continue to place my money on the heroes however, tis only natural.
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Re: Sand Fox's Desert (All For One: Nighttime Checkmate)

Postby Dreaming Psion » Fri Apr 18, 2008 3:11 pm

Sand Fox wrote:Thank you! I'm a far cry from competent with computers, so this is so helpful. As for your comments, I'll answer them.
First, I was taking the -5 into context when calculating Zorro's Stealth, though I might have forgotten once. And as for Knockback, I forgot about it. So, I'll have to take that into consideration.
And I think Fezzik is pretty good, because he never was shown to be all that great. Mostly, I think he was just big. But then again, big can count for a lot.
Thank you, once again! In fact, if you have a request, post it. If I recognize it, I'll make the build.

Sincerely, Sand Fox


You're welcome, glad to be of assistance. I'm looking forward to your next installment, which looks like it will be the most epic yet. As for requesting builds, you're probably already planning on building him, but the Cardinal comes first to mind. Depending on how fanciful you wanted to make this, Peter Pan could be fun as well. A descedant of Robin Hood might help put in some ranged support. If this was taking place a bit earlier and more towards England, I would ask for John Dee or King James I. Thanks.
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Re: Sand Fox's Desert (All For One: Nighttime Checkmate)

Postby MM » Fri Apr 18, 2008 4:44 pm

Dreaming Psion wrote:
Sand Fox wrote:Thank you! I'm a far cry from competent with computers, so this is so helpful. As for your comments, I'll answer them.
First, I was taking the -5 into context when calculating Zorro's Stealth, though I might have forgotten once. And as for Knockback, I forgot about it. So, I'll have to take that into consideration.
And I think Fezzik is pretty good, because he never was shown to be all that great. Mostly, I think he was just big. But then again, big can count for a lot.
Thank you, once again! In fact, if you have a request, post it. If I recognize it, I'll make the build.

Sincerely, Sand Fox


You're welcome, glad to be of assistance. I'm looking forward to your next installment, which looks like it will be the most epic yet. As for requesting builds, you're probably already planning on building him, but the Cardinal comes first to mind. Depending on how fanciful you wanted to make this, Peter Pan could be fun as well. A descedant of Robin Hood might help put in some ranged support. If this was taking place a bit earlier and more towards England, I would ask for John Dee or King James I. Thanks.


Like Psion said, totally depends what era of Europe we're in. I've though of characters from Captain Barbossa and Jack Sparrow, King Arthur and his Round Table, Robin Hood and the Merry Gang, etc. Mainly though, I'm wanting to see where this storry goes, since so far it's been great.
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Postby AmericanYeti » Mon Apr 21, 2008 3:21 am

This fight is gonna rock! Nice lead up to this most epic of battles. Can't wait to see these pesky villains get what's cominyg to them, likely with a change of heart from Inigo and Fezzik. If that does happen, the villains don't stand a chance unless they have a limitless supply of pirate goons...like Captain Hook.
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Postby MM » Mon Apr 28, 2008 1:04 pm

Bumping, because the story is awesome.
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Postby Libra » Mon Apr 28, 2008 1:10 pm

I think it's far beyond that, old boy. :wink:
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Postby MM » Tue Apr 29, 2008 11:42 am

Too true.

(On a side note, old boy? Man that made to a double take for a moment to make sure you were talking to me.)
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Postby Sand Fox » Wed Apr 30, 2008 12:02 am

I am so sorry for not updating in ages. However, I had work to do on Spring Vacation last week and my teachers gave be a ton of work when I got back, and I’ve had to baby-sit my toddler niece for half the day this Tuesday and coming Wednesday. Thank you, MM, for “bumping” my story. I didn’t realize you people liked it so much! And Libra, saying that my humble works are far beyond awesome; why, I’m blushing.
Anyway, as for your requests, Dreaming Psion and MM, let me see. Well, I’m trying to make this story realistic, so I can’t add Peter Pan, though building him might be fun. As for a descendent of Robin Hood, I think that would actually work nicely, considering the need for ranged support. And if things turn out the way it looks, Captain Jack Sparrow and Hector Barbossa will be seen. All the other requests are not in the right time frame, so I’ll have to apologize.
Now, on with the show! For starters, Skull Keep is a huge headquarters with 10 Toughness and the following features: Defense System (Cannons, Moat), Dock, Garage (Stables), Holding Cells, Infirmary, Isolated, Living Space, Security System (Trap Doors, Trick Walls, Secret Passages), and a Workshop (Ship Maintenance). Aramis and Porthos both took their time getting in Disguise, taking 20 each.

All for One
-Interlude-
Divide and Conquer, Part 1

Athos looked around, amazed at the interior of Sea Skull Keep. Sure, it was well beyond old, and it had been ruled over by pirates for ages. And yet, it sit had some of its old grandeur that one could only find in a castle or manor.
“Whoa,” Porthos whistled, breaking Athos from his thoughts, “This dump’s huge. How we going to find the kid?”
Athos sighed. He, Porthos, Aramis, and the youngling D’artangnan had all come to Skull Keep at the appointed time, yet no one had greeted them. In fact, the place was a like a ghost town; empty and dead. Aramis was in a wide, loose dress with his sword strapped to a leg under it. If things got ugly, he could rip off the dress and draw his sword, though it would take time. As for Porthos, he had on a cape, mask, and Spanish hat, all black.
“Maybe we should spit up?” D’artangnan suggested.
The trio of musketeers all looked at each other with both disappointment and amusement. “My dear boy,” Porthos sighed, clapping him on the back, “How should I put this? Ah, I know. Splitting up is begging to be killed; you might as well walk up to the bad guys and say, ‘Hey, I’m an idiot that wants to die. Can ya’ kill me?’ Man, think boy!”
“All right,” D’artangnan shot back defensively, “I get it! And don’t call me boy!”
“I’ll do what I like,” Porthos smiled, “Boy.”
Before anything else happened, Athos stepped between the two. “Enough, both of you; we’ll never get out of here by arguing.” The two relaxed. “Now,” the lead musketeer explained to the whole group, “No one’s tried to stop us from entering this keep, so it’s obvious that they’re trying to get us in a-” Suddenly, a great set of iron bars fell from the ceiling, separating D’artangnan and Athos from Porthos and Aramis. “-trap,” Athos finished, looking disgusted.

The baddies spring their trap, aiming to separate the team. GM fait to make everyone fail their reflex save. The four get hero points.


“You know,” Porthos sighed, looking amused, “This is such a cliché and stereotypical trap it’s not even funny.”
“Agreed,” Aramis chimed, ripping off his dress.
“Don’t worry,” Athos instructed, drawing his blade, “We’ll meet up with you. Come on, D’artangnan,” he shot to the youth, dashing down a hallway, “Let’s find out where this leads.”
“No problem,” the boy said, running after him.
As they sped out of sight, 11 men entered the side of the great hall where Aramis and Porthos where trapped. The leader of them was bald.
“Finally, hated foe,” Yu-Jin said to Porthos, drawing his swords, “I slice you in ribbons for humiliation you give me!”
“Oh boy,” Porthos sighed, drawing his own sword, “Athos was right; you’re an ugly one; good thing it’s dark. Tell ya’ what Aramis, you go on ahead and I’ll take care of the ugly crew.”
At first, Aramis was going to protest, but he remembered that they were here to rescue a boy; besides, Porthos was a great swordsman and normally took on even more men then this. He dashed for the hallway, surprised that on one tried to stop him. However, Aramis understood once he emerged on the other side to find a crew of pirates waiting for him. It was the second trap he had fallen into. “Wait a minute, I’m supposed to be smarter then this…”
Meanwhile, Athos and D’artangnan had their own trouble. “You do realize that this isn’t anything personal, right?” Inigo said, twirling his sword idly. “Unless one of you happen to have six fingers on your right hand?”
Surprised by the last comment, Athos didn’t answer right away. As such, D’artangnan took the innovative. “Sorry, but we’re just normal men trying to rescue a little boy,” he hissed, disgusted.
“Hey, Inigo,” Fezzik said, leaning over his friend and pointing, “That one’s just a boy! I don’t think it’s right kill him.”
“Don’t worry, Fezzik,” the Spaniard reassured. “We don’t need to kill the boy; knocking him out will work.”
“Why does everyone call me that?!” D’artangnan demanded, annoyed.
“Enough fooling around, D’artangnan,” Athos commanded, “Eyes to the front!”

Up next:
D’artangnan and Athos vs. Inigo Montoya and Fezzik
The only reason the musketeers even have a chance is because of D’artangnan’s Hero Points. Fezzik can be a great distraction and Inigo just owns everyone in swordsmanship. However, Athos’s skill’s match up nicely against Inigo’s, and he’s probably the best opponent for the Spaniard, and D’artangnan has been shown to be resourceful.

Porthos vs. Yu-Jin and his ninja
This own will probably go to Porthos. He’s just made to fight like this.

Aramis vs. Captain Hook and his pirates
I’m really worried about this. Aramis isn’t meant to fight against numbers, and numbers is what Hook has. Worse yet, the captain is a good match for Aramis in combat. However, the Eloquent Captain Hook won’t get involved until he needs to, so Aramis might last long if (s)he keeps his defenses high. And the musketeer might get some help (hint, hint.)
Anyway, I don’t know what fight to post first, so I’ll let you people choose. But first, I have a very special build to post. It will be the main character for my next story, which I’ll start after I find a good stopping point for this story.
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Postby MM » Wed Apr 30, 2008 11:46 am

Excellent. Love Pothos comment about how cliche the trap was, and D'artangans being heckled about being young. Curious as to what exactly Aramis is wearing now that (s)he ripped off the dress... probably just has leggings or pants or whatever the era-style clothing is called at the time.

And I have to ask a question. I noticed that Fezzik is PL 6 while D'artangnan is PL 7. Now, my memory might be a bit fuzzy, but weren't a bunch of people mad at Fezzik in the book because he kept beating all of their champions with almost no effort? Or is D'artangnan just that good?
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Postby Sand Fox » Fri May 02, 2008 1:50 pm

This post has been deleted

Sincerely, Sand Fox
Last edited by Sand Fox on Wed Nov 05, 2008 11:53 pm, edited 7 times in total.
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Postby kerianvalentine » Fri May 02, 2008 4:59 pm

The General would like a word with the young Jedi.

If you wouldn't mind if I tried to use those two against each other at some point, I'd love to test Grievous out against a real Jedi...could be a truly brutal fight.
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