Tribbles on a Space Station

[Kit]

There are two noteworthy pop culture events taking place this weekend. One is the opening of Snakes on a Plane. The other is a convention in Las Vegas celebrating the 40th anniversary of Star Trek. These have combined in my mind to inspire an image some tech-savvy fan simply must create.

Picture the classic shot of Kirk up to his neck in tribbles. Lift off the original dialogue. Replace with:

"I...want...these...m#th%r...f*&%n... tribbles... off... this... m#th%r...f*&%n... space... station."

Coming soon to a fan film near you. Make it so.

[Setothes]

"You wanna know how the mother@*&#$(! tribbles got out of the cages? They &#*(@#&@ *ATE* their way out!"

[El Humidor]

You have finally cracked, haven't you Kit?

[Kit]

You have finally cracked, haven't you Kit?

Ha!
And so it begins

[Libra]

Motha'£&%*&^' Brilliant.

[Jedi Morningfire]

That picture is definitely worth a chuckle.

Related Star Trek note, Comedy Central is airing the roast of Will Shatner tonight at 10pm EST. If the commercials they've been showing for it are any indication, there should at least be some good laughs to be had.

[StarHero]

that is the funnyist thing I've seen all day! great job

StarHero

[death tribble]

The origin of my ID is in fact Tribbles on a space station.
I was at the time writing in Star Trek fan fiction and the back story was that someone had created Tribbles with a hive mind. So they rebelled against their creator and got loose on the station. They almost killed a couple of people before anyone knew what was happening including my character. He beamed onto thestation proper and the Tribbles saw him and attacked. This was due to his size. They reckoned that if he was a Tribble that he would be serious competition so the 147th Tactical Airborne Tribble Assualt Regiment jumped him. He flailed around and rolled on some of them and swallowed whole another. The psychic shock of being eaten got rid of the others.
My character then returned to his ship, armed himself and beamed back to attack them. I had far too much fun with this like 10 little Tribbles dieing a variety of horrible deaths, being chased by a giant Tribble ball, covering some of the Tribbles with ketchup or honey so that their colleagues ate them and even a Mulder and Scully Tribble investigatiung the carnage.

When I later needed an ID, Death Tribble just seemed so natural.
I could post some of it if there is any interest and I can find the posts.

[Libra]

Indeed?

[death tribble]

This was the second post in a story I contributed to 5 years ago. This involved Tribbles with a hive mind taking over a space station. Some of the personnel almost get sucked into space which leaves the protagonist Lt Commander Roy Kinnear rather ticked off.
Roy is a tallish rather fat Texan Star Fleet Officer who wears a stetson customarily. Based on the actor David Huddleston who was in Blazing Saddles and the Big Liebowski

'After brief treatment by the nurses, Roy headed back to his quarters. He removed his stetson and took out another. He had almost lost it to the ravages of outer space but thankfully the strap had held. He marked on his inventory that he had lost the oxygen supply. He also made a quick verbal report on what had happened to the computer and informed Dorling to chase up the survivors for their accounts ONLY after Dr Lee had cleared them.

Roy was steamed. It was one thing to lose people in combat but to have some practical joking moron try to kill you and members of your crew was another. He was going to go over to Starbase 1 and give them a piece of his mind. Kinnear reached the transporter bay. He hit his Comm badge.

=/\= Starbase 1, this is Minerva, one to beam over =/\=

=/\= (crackle) This (crackle) base 1. Having (crackle) getting lock =/\=

=/\= Never mind. We'll do it this end =/\=

Roy looked at the engineer at the controls on the Minerva.
"Ok, boy, beam me over. Anywhere should do"
Roy was energised and appeared on the Starbase.

=/\= Kinnear to Minerva, I am over safely. Keep a lock on me =/\=

Roy went over to the technician at the controls.
"Is this damn joker screwing with your controls ?"
"Yes sir"
"I'll go speak to the Commodore" Roy said sighing and left the transporter bay.

Unknown to him, his arrival had been observed and the hive tribble mind was sent back information. From there it calculated how much Roy could eat. This was the first error. The hive mind calculated what a Roy sized and shaped Tribble could eat. The estimate horrified the hive mind. Roy must die ! Quickly the tribbles began to gather together the force necessary to defeat the new threat and assemble them for the attack.

Roy was stalking angrily down the corridor towards the Ops Centre of Starbase 1 when the elite 124th Tactical Airborne Tribble Assault squadron poured out of a ventilation shaft to attack. Unfortunately the plan went wrong from the word go. As the Tribbles came out of the shaft, Roy half turned so he was not hit by the bigger tribbles and knocked over. In fact they shot past his head and over his shoulder. Roy looked amazed. What the Sam Hill was going on ?

However the tribbles that were still coming out of the shaft corrected their leap while those that were not stunned by hitting the wall tried to trip him up. This also had a disasterous effect for Roy's stomach provided a trampoline effect causing chaos as Tribbles bounced off in all directions hitting their airborne colleagues and knocking them senseless. Roy did however lose his footing but fell on top of tribbles squashing them and then as the tribbles tried for the smothering attack rolled. Due to his weight it was like a steam roller in action. Cue squashed flat tribbles.

Worse was to come. Two small Tribbles blocked Roy's nostrils but this tickled Roy's nostril hairs and Roy sneezed. Cue jet propelled Tribbles which took out another of the larger Tribbles in mid air. Roy was still rolling however and woe betide the poor stunned Tribble who had no warning of the Kinnear steam roller. The sneeze did allow tribbles into Roy's mouth and this was the fatal mistake. By reflex Roy swallowed and the larger Tribble who could have survived and blocked an ordinary mouth was sucked down by the vacuum force of Roy's oesophagus. Down, down the tribble was forced into one of the most potent chemical forces in the Universe: Roy Kinnear's Stomach.

Roy meanwhile had been flailing and rolling, the Tribbles who got onto his arm were hit by an electric shock as they hit the PADD on his arm. This meant there was an ever increasing carpet of squashed Tribbles. Another Tribble that got into Roy's mouth was bitten in half. A scream echoed in the Hive Mind as the Tribble finally made splash down in Roy's stomach acids. The eaters had become the eaten. Don't try and imagine what is happening, it is just too awful to contemplate.

The Tribbles retreated and Roy got to his feet. He was incensed ! He had hair in his mouth and the taste of Tribble on his tongue and in his throat. Raw Tribble ! YUK ! It was one thing to try and kill Roy, but to interfere with his digestion ? This meant war ! Roy looked down and saw a Tribble trying to sneak away. He grabbed it and brought it up to his face.

"Ok varmint, you tell 'em Roy's coming and Hell's coming with him"
He hurled the Tribble through the air and it impacted the wall.

=/\= Roy to Transporter bay. Beam me directly into the Decontamination bay =/\=

As the beam took him, Roy looked at some of the surviving Tribbles.
"I'll be back !" he sneered and vanished.'

[death tribble]

This is the next part

'The Great Federation Tribble Hunt: Preparing for War'

'Left Hand. Glove check.

Right Hand. Glove Check

Roy had come out of Decomtamination all clean. Not one tribble or even a smaller parasite awaited on his uniform, or in his stetson. While he waited he came up with a plan and looked through the schematics of Starbase 1.

Combat Trousers and belt (both extra large in the waist) Check.

Right Boot. Check

Left Boot. Check

Roy knew where a goodly amount of the tribbles would go. The one thing they did not count on was that shps outside could transport people on and off. Let security worry about the ship and Ops could handle recovering people around the Starbase. Roy was going hunting.

Knee protectors. check

Shin pads. Check

Elbow protectors. Check.

Roy had also gone through an inventory of the arsenal and picked up a few other things he would need. He also had the computer prepare a few little speciality items for him. Roy smiled evilly and contentidly. Regreatably the stetson would miss this trip, but bearing in mind what was about to happen, he didn't mind none.

Chest Protector. (large) Check

Stomach Protector. (extra, extra, extra large) Check

Goggles. check.

Targeting sight. Check

Helmet. (Big) Check

Weapons. Check

Needless accessory for Boots. (spurs). Check.

Roy stood in the Transporter bay. He was all tanked up and ready to go. A couple of the technicians were there with the strict orders. Different weaponry and tool configurations were ready to be transported over. Roy himself would be beamed from location. The equipment would be beamed back for decontamination first. Just in case.

Lt Opia entered the Transporter bay.

"Ah Commander, um, shouldn't you discuss this rationally with security first or Commander Barnes ?"

Roy nodded and smiled.
"Nope"
He turned to the engineers while Opia looked stunned at his remark.
"Energise"

The largest trooper you have ever seen disappeared from the Transporter bay.
Opia began to work out exactly what to say about this to the rest of the senior staff.'

[death tribble]

Next part. You can see I was beginning to have too much fun with this.

'The GFTH: Creating a Blind Spot'

"Do anything that you want to do
but, oh honey, lay off of my food !"

The Sayings of Roy Kinnear

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Tribble wandered over to its partner on watch and purred.
PURR. <Douglas, are you alright ?>
PURR ? <Douglas ?>
SQUEAK !

A quick blast of refrigerant and that was another one gone. With the sentries taken care of, Roy removed the housing on the console. He then brought up the micro vacuum and aimed the nozzle inside. He activated it and began hoovering up the dust and the smaller tribbles who were trying to control this section. Once he covered all the components, he switched off the hoover. He then sent the contents of the vacuum through waste disposal adding the other Tribbles he had taken out to it. They were ejected into space and suffered explosive decompression.

Roy then checked the computer and began working out what to do next. This area gave the Tribbles a blind spot and with what was about to happen next, maybe not the resources to cover it. Roy smiled. One final element and then Cry Havoc and Let Loose the Dogs of War.

Roy took out a small rectangular object. He unwrapped it and put the chewing gum in his mouth. He started to chew. He picked up the flamethrower.

"Ok folks, now it's showtime !" he said to no-one in particular. '

[death tribble]

I leave this as the last post for the moment. There are a few more and I did get quite silly with it. If there is demand I will add the next set of posts but if the Mods say no then this will be the last one.

'The GFTH: The Battle of Corridor 23'

"Only the hungry
DUM, DUM, DUM DUMMY DOO WAH
Know the way I feel tonight
OH YEAH, YEAH DO WAH"

From the sayings of Roy Kinnear

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was quiet. Too damn quiet. The non-tribbles were upto something and so was THE ENEMY. The latter was the most lethal thing Tribble kind had ever faced, but the Tribbles would triumph !

The Hive-mind had decided to group reserves here while other forces were out ahead. There the non-Tribbles and THE ENEMY could be engaged. In truth the Hive-mind was more concerned with the latter as it had eaten a Tribble. The Tribbles now knew the hideous fate that awaited them at the hands of THE ENEMY ! Death by digestion.

The plan was perfect. Tribble observers could see the attack coming and pass the information back to the Tribble attack groups. Then and only then, if necessary, could the reserves be scrambled into action.

Sgt Major Tribble had a bad feeling about the operation. It was quiet. Too damn quiet. He had a good few friends in the 124th TATA who wouldn't be coming round for dinner anymore. And the problem was that not only had 'the Roy' survived the attack but it was going to bring 'Hell' with it when it returned.

Captain Tribble came over.
PURR <Ah, Sgt Major, how goes things ?>
PURR <It's quiet sir, too damn quiet>
PURR <Don't worry Sgt Major ! Stomach up ! Everything's under control >
PURR ! <Look sir ! Over there !> said Corporal Tribble

A Tribble had come round the corner. It staggered from side to side down the corridor.
PURR <It's sentry Tribble, sir>
The Tribble came to a stop in front of its comrades.
PURR ? <What happened, Tribble ?>
SQUEAK ! Squeak, squeak, squeak. Squeak. It said before rolling over dead.

Sgt Major Tribble looked at Captain Tribble.
PURR ? <Hideous death, too great to contemplate even on a full stomach ? Surprise attack from out of nowhere ? What ever could that mean ?>
PURR <I don't Sgt Major, I just don't know>

Two other Tribbles came forward to look at their downed friend. One was smaller than the other and had an orangy-red fur.
PURR ? <What do you think killed this Tribble ?>
PURR <I'll know more after I have conducted a preliminary examination. But doubtless you already have a theory>
PURR <The Hive is involved in a giant conspiracy to hide the truth from Tribble kind>
PURR <Oh Tribble, here we go again. What next ? This Tribble was killed by Aliens ?>

The conversation was interrupted by vibrations through the floor and the rapid approach of something. KA-CHING, KA-CHING, KA-CHING, KA-CHING, KA-CHING was the sound that would and could have been heard. The Tribbles could feel the worsening vibration in the floor and they marshalled themselves into position. It did no good. Roy barrelled the corner and let rip with the flamethrower.

Tribbles died on the ground, in flight as they leapt to attack and by close proximity to a burning Tribble. Then the sprinklers cut in. And the smaller Tribbles drowned.

"Come get some !" yelled Roy.

"YEEEE HAAAAHHHHH !"

"Are we havin' fun yet ?"

"You want some ? You want some ? Die varmint !" This was directed to a Tribble trying to sneak along the wall.

"Top of the World, MA ! YEEEE HAAAAHHH !" he said letting another wave of flame incinerate another swathe of Tribbles.

PURR, PURR SQUEAK ! <We're getting slaughtered. Retreat and Regroup ! Retreat and Regroup> said the Captain Tribble.

What remained of the Tribbles moved as fast as they could away from Roy. Roy meantime kicked and crushed the Tribbles with his Combat Boots. He chewed the gum remorselessly.
"Smell that ?" he yelled at the retreating Tribbles.
"That's napalm. That means Roast Tribble. I love the smell of Roast Tribble in the daytime !"

OCC: With apologies to Roy Orbison, Jimmy Cagney's performance in White Heat, Robert Duvall in Apocalypse Now amongst others.

"Don't stop me now !
'Cos I'm having such a good time
I'm having a ball !
Don't stop me now !
If you want to have a good time,
just give me a call"

"Don't Stop Me now" - Queen